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| Honouring my father’s amazing sense of humour with another of his Santa letters. This one deserves some explanation for those who didn’t live in Ontario in the 80s. They introduced the first drinking and driving laws, and the road checks were through a campaign called RIDE. You will see some references to computer codes… which will make sense if you are of a certain age and a little geeky. Acid rain is still a thing today, and in the 80s it was a huge environmental issue. This letter includes the teenage children’s letters to Santa, which give his reply a little more context worth noting. What can I say? It was the 80s. Read on… |
Hi Santa!
Well, it’s that time of year again! I’d say you would be getting a little
old! You’ve been delivering gifts for at
least 17 years!!! Maybe you ought to
take it easy this year… just relax in
front of a nice warm fire with some lemon tea and cookies (and Ex-Lax if you
need it) and let someone else do the work for you. As for your reindeer… I think some hay mixed
with rum would be especially neat. I am
sure Blitzen would love it. Well, I hope
you’ll be ok after your long journey.
Maybe Mrs. Claus will give you some warm milk if you ask her nicely (I’m
humouring you).
Much love and Merry Christmas,
Allison
Dear Santa,
I know you were probably expecting to see
me in Calgary, but here I am back in Markham!
I suppose you didn’t receive me temporary change of address card… it
probably got lost in the mail… though I am not expecting more than an education
for Christmas this year, I certainly hope it doesn’t arrive here after all…
dreaming formulas while on vacation is a real drag… I hope this doesn’t mean
you have to go back to Calgary! And
you’re welcome to sack out in Peter and I’s room if you get really tired by
your journey’s end… (there’s a sleeping bag in Radar’s closet).
Anyways, won’t keep you waiting… I know
you’ve got things to do, so ‘til next season, see you.
PIX ‘4’ SANTA
Greg
Dear Santa
Would you have your reindeer run over my
parents ‘cause their driving me mad with the present they’re getting me. I was gong to make a stiff drink for you but
my mom wouldn’t let me what with all the huff about the new law on
drinking. Don’t forget to buy my cat
something. I gave you a cutout joint. Say sorry to your reindeer, ‘Sorry
reindeer’. I didn't know how many there
were so you can share it and Party Hardy!
Trevor
PS I really have been a good boy
Dear kids
Say I really like this new pen you got…
It was terrific getting your letters again
this year. Your parents must be really
pleased- the grammar and spelling has improved enormously.
It’s been good news and bad news this
year. The good news... These new space age materials
are terrific:
- Got a new suit from NASA and hardly ever get singed knickers in the fireplace anymore.
- Blitzen broke off half an antler in November – ordered a plastic replacement in five weeks. You can’t tell the difference.
- The “great eight” have been slowing down a bit but now we’re back up to speed in the sleigh with a hovercraft fan for lift.
The bad news:
- What's with this .05% in Ontario? Speeded up the rounds this year but sure cut down the fun! Those damn RIDE guys – spotted ‘em hiding behind the CN Tower restaurant.
- Energy costs are really hitting us up in the North. The reindeer always used to lap up lichen, now with these trips to the south the darn critters have acquired southern tastes. Do you know what it costs to grow (under artificial light) hay and apples in the Arctic?
- This acid rain stuff is really lousing up some of my landing fields. The lakes don’t freeze properly. Ever tried landing in corrosive slush?
Greg, I was able to keep track of your
movements. Population growth has forced
me to modernize so I’m hooked up to one of those computer data bases for
addresses, then for my run on the 24th I use one of those neat route
scheduling systems with optimum load packaging and balancing. Got to stay with the times or be left behind…
and disappoint all you little kiddies – never!
I checked out Radar’s bag – thanks (PICTURE IS ‘4’ – Cobal. Never did dig Fortran).
Allison you should check your mother’s
age. Santa is supposed to be nice so I
cannot reply to your bloody rotten comments about age.
Trevor never got the weed out here – won’t
grow but it sure improves Mrs. C’s cookies.
Thanks, I’ll “party hardy”.
As we used to say – and still do – Wish you
all A FAST FIRST AND A COOL YULE EH!
Santa
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